Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.
This is what the last few weeks have looked like for me:
– get up, cough
– work a little with the kids, cough up one lung
– talk a little, stop to cough
– choke on congestion, cough
– sit or lie down, cough, cough
– cry a little, try to sleep….did I mention cough?
On our way down to visit friends in the states, I got the flu. Which then had the good nature to turn into bronchitis. Full blown. The Boy had it to start with, the night before we left he started coughing.
While there, I didn’t let it shake me too much. We were already on a modified school schedule so the kids could play together and enjoy some of the outdoors. My dear friend was so hospitable and let me rest as much as I needed while we visited.
But when it came time to come home, and I was STILL sick, that’s when the worry and fear started to creep in. Fear that I couldn’t cope on my own, couldn’t stop coughing, others would get sick, and Christmas party plans would be out the window.
By 2 weeks, I was still coughing, with zero improvement. Then Keekers got sick – fortunately with what turned out to only be a mild fever and slight cough, but it was enough to push me over the edge. Lack of sleep, lack of energy, sore muscles and entire body from coughing were starting to add up.
By the time we headed into the 3rd week, I started to feel Despair creeping in. Hadn’t it been long enough already? I was tired of coughing, tired of not sleeping, tired of being tired. ENOUGH ALREADY!
And then, in my grumbling heart and spirit, which was really grumbling against God, he spoke to me. It IS too much for you, but it is not too much for me. Have you had enough of doing this on your own? Have you had enough of your trying to now let me take over?
And I decided it was enough.
Enough of my grumbling, enough asking “Why God?”, enough being nasty mommy to my kids because of my bad mood, enough of trying too hard and expecting “my strength” to come through. There’s a fine line between “trying” and “relying”.
I got out my Sword, God’s truth, and I started tweeting every verse I could think of that fought against the lies of Despair creeping into my mind.
And the more I wrote, the more peace I felt. I had tried praying, but with all my trying, it had turned into bitter ends. I had tried “thinking” prayers, but always got side-tracked. I did not, however, get into the word and LOOK for answers to my struggles.
These are some of the verses that God brought to my mind:
Psalm 23:1-3“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. HE RESTORES MY SOUL. He leads me in paths of righteousness, for his name’s sake.
Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, AND HE WILL SUSTAIN YOU; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
2 Corinthians 4:8 We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair,
2 Corinthians4:17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,
I am so grateful God pulled me off that rocky road and turned me onto the straight path with the truth of His Word. We have this Sword always at our fingertips and in our hearts and minds, just waiting to be used. Yet how often I forget the power that it holds.
We are to pray always, watching always, as Ephesians 6:18 says. But we are also to use our Sword. And one of the best ways to use it is to speak it, write it.
When you are faced with trials and troubles to overcome, and you are becoming discouraged, even though you are praying, go further, and go to the word. Look for the promises of God that speak directly to what you’re going through. Write them down. Speak them. Shout them from the top of your voice! And watch what happens. Despair has no chance against the word of God. If you really want to fight that battle, draw your Sword.