You may or may not have noticed that my blog has been a little quiet lately. And it isn’t because my head and heart aren’t bursting with ideas and thoughts to write down.
I have been pondering a lot lately though. I’ve been reading encouraging and convicting posts from others about lives and blogging and how it fits and bringing glory to God. And I don’t feel like I have been doing that well.
I haven’t been a great mom to my children – I’ve been distracted, disorganized, short-tempered, tired, and not much fun. I haven’t been a great small group leader – not following up with prayer requests, or sending off encouragement. I haven’t been a great friend for my in-real-life friends God has blessed me with. I’m over-committed, and under-accomplishing, it feels like in everything.
Sunday’s sermon has been resounding in my head and tugging at my heart for the whole week. I’ve wanted to write this, but haven’t really been sure how.
We read from 2 John:
I rejoiced greatly to find some of your children walking in the truth, just as we were commanded by the Father.
(2 John 1:4 ESV)
And I realized something. I’ve been spending so much time talking and learning about the truth, that I’ve forgotten to PRACTICE WALKING in the truth.
Am I allowing God’s word to change me? Am I digging deep into what he has for me each day? Or am I only going deep enough for it to strike my heart….but not bring about change?
I love this space here. I love the friends I have made online and the encouragement and love that comes through them. But unless I continually, DAILY surrender it all to him, and give him the undivided FIRST FRUITS of my heart, it is all for naught.
Unless I am willing to completely give it up if he asks me to, it is all useless. Because it can replace him and those here who need me most.
He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
(Micah 6:8 ESV)
I want this. More than anything I want this. I want to do the walk – not just learn about the walk, talk about the walk – but REALLY DO THE WALK.
It starts in my heart. Giving God’s word the time to change me. Not rushing through my bible studies because I have 3 on the go, but cutting back to what he really wants me to do, and going deep. Not doing my devotions in front of my computer where blinks and dings and dongs distract me from the word of life.
Not pushing my children off to respond to comments or comment on other blogs (I am still majorly struggling with the commenting arena!), but giving them the love and care they need, the kind treatment from their momma, the encouraging words of life they desire.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
(Ephesians 4:29 ESV)
In the end, it all comes down to the walk. And I want to walk closer than ever to my God. As Ann Voskamp put it in her blogger’s prayer:
May I write not for subscribers…but only for Thy smile.
May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement,
not the size of my audience.
May my identity by in the innumerable graces of Christ,
never, God forbid, in the numbers of my comments.
May the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen—
But the ones I live with my skin.
I don’t know yet what this means for me and this space. But I do know – it’s time for me to DO the walk.