Last week, I was all ready to post my one word revolution. But the more posts I read about it, the less sure I was of what I had chosen. When I came across the one word revolution worksheet on Must Love God, I knew I needed to do a heart check and take it more seriously. I figured since I felt God had put the word on my heart that this must be what he wanted me to do – but I hadn’t really put any time and prayer into it. No sireee, and isn’t that the whole point?
I needed to get down and really examine my heart, my motives, why did I want to do this, just to get on the band wagon? I realized no, I’m tired of being convicted but moving forward slowly instead of making the effort and taking the steps to head toward change.
Then to the things I dislike and want LESS of in my life – late bedtimes, distractions online, feeling stressed out, not planning in advance, frustration and short temper, burying struggles until they come bursting out, lack of grace for my children.
What is it that I really long for? A better relationship with God, a deeper desire for his word, an overhauled prayer life where I pursue him every day. A more grace-filled approach to our schooling and day-to-day life with the kids. More of a desire to serve God, my family, others. Use my time more wisely, to plan what I’m doing, stick to the plan, doing everything to the best of my ability. I long to be connected, my heart to God’s, my heart to my husband’s, my heart to my children’s – I want to go deeper than surface, and to be able to pray whenever, however long it takes, to slow down and LET GOD mold me.
After reading Stef’s post about choosing more than one word and not conforming to the formula, I realized one word just wasn’t enough. I’m not that good yet. I’m not that focused yet. I need to break it down and make it easier to focus on. So, I have chosen instead 3 words for 3 different areas.
Personal – I want to be more INTENTIONAL – with my time in the word and prayer; about my daily interactions; about teaching my children and planning in advance; about my relationships with the kids, hubby and others; about my writing and time spent online; about having people over and providing opportunities to connect, fellowship, share and encourage.
Children – I want to have more GRACE. This was originally my word for the year. But as I started to reflect, I realized that I have grown a LOT in grace in my own life – understanding how God has given me grace for my every mess, and has given me the ability to give that grace. While I need to grow a lot more, I need to learn to extend grace, especially to my children. God has already done a makeover on my heart in this area, as this time last year I was filled with frustration and wanted only to get things done so I could do what I wanted. Now, I am enjoying the journey, the learning, seeing myself as a model and example (yikes!) and feeling a peace and gentleness begin to feel the deepest corners of my heart. I’m still a mess, you should have seen it all yesterday – I had my own little temper tantrums throughout. But I know that God will continue to work in me, and through me, to give grace to my children – to see them as children, sinners, needing to be taught, needing to be led and guided, gently disciplined in love and not anger.
Husband – I want to SERVE. I am selfish, oh so selfish, and will easily take advantage. My husband, though human still of course, is one of the most selfless people I know. I am blessed by him constantly. He gives of himself each day, getting up early to study God’s word and pray, leading our family in devotion time, spending the day working hard so I can stay home with our kids, setting the example of a godly head of the home, setting the tone for our discipline and sacrificing so many things he could be doing, all for the sake of his family. And he never complains – which is more than I can say for myself. I want to learn from him, and honour him by serving him, finding out more of what makes his clock tick, asking him where I can encourage him, understanding his frustrations and ministering to his heart. I want to put his needs, wants, desires first.
I have had this song from Maranatha Singers running through my head ever since last week as I’ve been working through all of this. I want to be a servant, humble and meek, lifting up those who are weak – it starts here, at home, with me applying everything that God is teaching me, seeking to love and serve Him first.
I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.
Linking up with these blogs and Tuckers Take Tennessee – head on over to find out what others’ “One Word” for 2012 is!
(Linking up with Thankful Thursday at Red Oak Lane)
Practicing Thanks –
51. Friends over for dinner.
52. Cakes, cookies, pies.
53. Warm sweatshirts on a cold morning.
54. Time spent with cousins.
55. Studying reptiles and seeing them up close and personal – even snakes :D
57. Jesus, coming as a sweet little baby boy.
58. Date nights.
59. Indian food and naan bread.
60. Friends who are willing to babysit – for free!